my sisters under your porch take her home
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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