Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
