In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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