I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
