then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
