I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
