Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
