i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
