Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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