Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
