Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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