I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
