batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
