Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
