Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
accomplished twins. life is a go
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
