Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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