Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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