Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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