Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
