I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
