She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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