you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
