Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
