i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
