she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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