Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
