why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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