I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We left an ass print on the piano.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
