My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
