and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
