So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
