one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
