he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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