apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
