I got chris browned last night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
