New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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