Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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