Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
