My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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