I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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