He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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