lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
