I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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