But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
