I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
