She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
