guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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