By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
