I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
