my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
smell my finger.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
