Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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