I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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