Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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