Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
