We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
